Today’s Sacrament Meeting was really special to me. I felt like the speakers each shared really deep, personal struggles they have dealt with or are currently dealing with and beautiful, profound insights on how the Savior and the Gospel have been their anchor and their support.

And as I was listening, I felt like I needed to share some things I have been dealing with the past week or so, and how the Savior has been my support. And I mostly felt like I needed to share it with my missionary, Mary. So, this one’s for you, Mara-Nara!

I am not proud to admit that I struggle with the same things over and over in my life. The Lord has taught me more times than I can remember about this subject, and yet here I am again fighting the same battle again. But again I have been struggling feeling my own worth/purpose. I have felt (and this is a non-exhaustive list) un-cool, un-fun, like I’m not pulling my own weight, and like I’m not becoming what I want to become. Though, I AM happy to report that I don’t believe this is mental illness talking here; it is just … Satan, really. So, maybe that’s not so happy after all.

Anyway, enough with the sad part, let’s talk about the learning part! One morning I was thinking about this subject, reflecting on YOUR words, Mary, and wondering how I could look to God to find my worth. As I was thinking I was reminded of Fay’s kindergarten experience and Carter’s preschool experience. It became very clear to me on multiple occasions during this past school year that to their teachers my precious children were, at best, some nice, normal students in their classes. Sure Fay’s teacher thought it was kind of cool that Fay’s favorite books are chapter books. And Carter’s teacher thought it was dandy that Carter never caused any trouble in school. But that was it.  I recalled thinking on those occasions, Wait! They clearly don’t get what’s going on here! How do they not see that Fay and Carter are truly the most excellent children in their classes, and possibly the whole world? And I want you to know that is GENUINELY how I see things. I really believe that if only everyone in the whole world knew my children like I know them, they would treat them differently. They wouldn’t be able to help loving and cherishing them.

And again, it hit me. Fay and Carter, Portia and Helen, not a single one of them really does anything to benefit me. I mean, they don’t pull their weight in the family, they don’t make any extra money, or do super excellent housework or anything. And yet, they mean EVERYTHING to me. Not a single one of my children is anything close to perfect. They have faults, flaws, and idiosyncrasies galore. But I adore them! And even if they all decided to make every wrong choice; or even if they all became paralyzed and had severe brain damage and just became vegetables, I would never NEVER. EVER. stop loving them. I love them … BECAUSE. Because I just love them. That’s it. I loved them as soon as I knew they were coming to us, and there’s no way for me to ever stop loving them. Ever.

And somehow, even though I have heard this idea before, it hit me good and hard this time; and I actually believed that Heavenly Father could feel that way about me. I believed that maybe even Josh could feel that way about me. That maybe I am worth love and even adoration just because I am.

But it didn’t stop there! I realized for a few blessed, beautiful moments that every single person on this earth (even me) is a Fay, Carter, Portia, or Helen to Heavenly Father. He probably looks on His children and how they treat each other and wishes they could only see just how exquisitely precious each of His children is. That person who swore at you in the grocery store parking lot, Heavenly Father sees her heart and hopes with all His heart that you will understand that those words aren’t who she is. Who she is, is like He is. And she just needs time and love to ultimately reach that potential.

And, it was so cool! Because as I learned that, and got other pick-me-ups regarding my own performance (thanks Meg!), it didn’t make me feel complacent. It gave me strength and courage to try a little harder and also to be a little more satisfied with my efforts.

Heavenly Father is so good! And I’m so grateful for His patient, tireless teaching, and also the wonderful people He puts in our paths to help us feel His love. I only hope that this time I can remember the lesson a little bit longer.

This past week we partied and partied! And we didn’t drive 8 hours to do it! (Josh had originally planned on us going to Denver, but I was a wuss about the drive and ultimately managed to sell him on the staycation idea.)

We started each morning with a fun continental breakfast because breakfast at the hotel is one of the kids’ favorite parts of vacations. We had fun sugary cereals, those huge muffins that are actually just cake, English muffins, juice, frozen waffles, fruit, etc. And even though we had the same options each day nobody ever seemed to get tired of it!

Anyway, some of our excursions for the week included the zoo, the pool, the splash-pad, BYU and the Bean museum, Bridal Veil Falls, new parks, and lots of restaurants!

Something really fun about our swimming pool trip was seeing Fay and Carter using their newfound skills from swimming lessons. I think it was a confidence booster for them to be able to practice their skills without the assistance of their teachers. I was very proud of them.

Being at the waterfall reminded me again just how much I love being in the mountains! I think we’ll need another hike this week…

We went to BYU to give the kids a little idea of what college was like for us; but they mostly didn’t care about the stories, and just wanted to run around and play on stuff. But it was fun and nostalgic for me. It’s so crazy that we have been gone from BYU longer than we were ever there.

The Hogle zoo is basically a completely different place than it was when I was kid. It is SO NICE! It was also PACKED when we went. I’m so glad that it is being well cared for and well loved.

I actually didn’t go to the splash pad with the kids. Josh let me stay home all by myself! (I read a book just for fun!) But I heard that everybody enjoyed it. Helen slept. 🙂

It was a good adventure for the week, and I have put another sticker in my passport! I think it is going to be a rough adjustment to go back to work this week. Fortunately, we have another reason to party this week: Josh Day!

 

 

Josh has been needing a break for … a long time. It is seriously hard to deal with a 3rd trimester wife followed by a newborn and a postpartum wife, and all the older kids, and work! And when Josh needs a break, he starts planning for a break. And the longer he goes without getting the break he is planning, the more he plans. And the more he plans, the larger his plans become. So here’s what we got!

Fay’s last day of school was the designated day (for over a month) for Josh’s surprise “Summer Kickoff Party.” He made all his planning secret–even for me! So, while I went to Fay’s kindergarten awards that morning, he was setting everything up.

We arrived home to this party.

So we partied for a while, then there was a treasure hunt!

But all of this was just to introduce us to our summer theme “Summer of Adventure.” Josh made us each a summer passport in which we put custom stickers for each adventure we go on. We do little adventures each week, and then a big adventure each month of summer. The kickoff party counted as the first little adventure, and we all put stickers in our passports for it!

This past week’s little adventure was water-gun painting in the back yard!

Our big adventure for June is coming this week! We are having an epic staycation!

But if you think the only adventures going on around here are our official ones for the passports, then you are mistaken. (Remember that thing I said about not being good at sitting still…)

And I also took the kids up the canyon the other day to do one of my favorite hikes.

Oh, also, this happened yesterday.

Josh said he wanted to do something cool before he turns 30. (He likes to say “I’m 29 with nothing to show for it.” After which, we list off all the higher education degrees, the full-time mission, cross-country moves, children, and that fabulous wife he has to show for those years. It is amusing, at least for us.) Anyway, he decided the Dirty Dash was something cool, so he did it! It was cool!

And I know that his birthday isn’t for another week, but I feel like we’re all getting the picture here: Josh is cool. There isn’t a day that goes by that I’m not amazed by what this man can do, and even more, who and what he is. I’m definitely excited about our Summer of Adventure, but the life of adventure I have with Josh is really the best thing of all! (Yes, yes, it’s all very corny; but it’s the truth.)

 

Today was a special day! Our sweet, newest addition was given a blessing for her life! It was special to witness her receive her first Priesthood blessing, and extra special to hear Josh give it to her and see all our brothers (and brothers-in-law) and our fathers standing in the circle. And even though she was rather fussy through the blessing, I know that there was love and joy in that circle.

Something I love about the ordinance of blessing new babies is this: Most everything surrounding the arrival of a new person into the world is a feminine affair. It makes sense that women, who are divinely entrusted with the bearing of children and divinely endowed with the qualities necessary to nurture them, would be extra involved in all things baby. But the Priesthood is real and fatherhood is also divine! And so I love that amidst the baby showers, and doctor visits, and meals delivered, and pushing (or slicing as the case may be), and nursing all night, and loving nurturing all done by women, there is this one sacred moment shared with the extremely important men in a child’s life.

Let’s talk a little bit about Helen! Helen is basically just a content baby. She does cry, of course, when she needs something. But her default demeanor is relaxed and readily happy. She gives smiles liberally to anyone who will take a minute to chat with her, and they are priceless! And speaking of chatting, she is getting so good at making adorable little baby sounds, and it really does almost feel like a conversation when you talk to her!

 

She still loves her snuggles, too! It is such a joy to have a snuggly baby! I really should take more time to just sit with her and snuggle and talk and smile together. That is my official goal for tomorrow!
As crazy as it is to try and figure out our life with 3 little kids and a newborn, I am so happy that we made the choice to bring Helen to our family now instead of further down the road. She is a little piece of Heaven (despite the night feedings, crying at just the wrong moments, and periodic insistence of undivided snuggle attention) and we’re so glad Heaven sent her to us!