As 2017 comes to a close, I wanted to share some things about my theme for this past year: delight.

First off, I’m basically totally converted to the idea of choosing a verb to focus on throughout the year as opposed to individual goals. It was so much easier to just think delight than think about all the ways I wanted to be better. And simply having that theme in the back of my mind really helped me to make some of those changes that easily could have been written out goals. So, just plan on themes from here on out.

Also, I wanted to share the story of delight with you.  This time last year I was weighed down with more things than I care to mention, one of the largest of them being postpartum anxiety/OCD/depression/overall mental distress and emotional turmoil. For months of 2016 it never even occurred to me that my thinking was irrational and caused by my poor, hormonal, sleep-deprived brain, and so I believed all the terrible things I was thinking.  Then my blessed sister came to visit me one day and could see very clearly that my thinking was anything but rational. She called on other siblings to help me–siblings who have experienced similar things–and they all helped me to see that I didn’t have to feel hopeless and miserable all the time. They also shared with me amazing tools and resources without which I don’t know if I ever would have made much progress.  That was all in August or so, and my journey towards healing began there.

But healing is frequently a long road filled with some great days, some terrible days, and some days in between. So at Christmas last year I was still trying to figure out how to have more of the great days and fewer of the terrible ones. It was such an enormous blessing for me to partake of the Sacrament on Christmas day. I remember praying for help during the Sacrament to be able to feel the peace that I was fortunate enough to be feeling on that day more often. The Spirit confirmed to me, undeniably, that Heavenly Father sent His Son to this world so that I CAN have that peace each day. That is the whole reason Christmas is such a magical day and time of year! It is because Jesus really is the Hope of this world!  It was an experience that changed me!

The next week was New Year’s and again I got to take the Sacrament! This time I was praying about how to be better in the new year–what goals I ought to make. I discussed my hopes and desires with the Lord as I sat there in church (probably ignoring my kids and making Josh do all the work–thank you a million, Honey!!!) and I felt the Spirit again. This time the message was that it was time for me to embrace the Atonement of Jesus Christ and find real healing. This year!  I was so encouraged and excited! Thus Delight was born!

Throughout the year, as I focused on enjoying the life the Lord has given me, relishing the small things, and especially rejoicing in the power of the Savior, there were a few things that became cherished blessings for me. One HUGE one was the power of daily, thoughtful scripture study.  When I was having those terrible days filled with worry (also when I still DO have some of those days) the scriptures always brought/bring peace. It isn’t always immediate, but sometimes it is!  But more than peace even it was hope. I remember one occasion where I was reading the scriptures with worries and frustrations raging in my mind. As I read, though, it really hit me that this trial will NOT be mine forever. Even if I wrestle with mental illness for the rest of my entire life, because of the Savior Jesus Christ, I CAN have good days! I WILL ultimately be resurrected with a perfect body AND mind! I CAN still have a life filled with joy even though this is stinkin’ hard!

Another thing that I have cherished more is real, fervent prayer. I feel real power, real hope, when I am humble enough to realize how desperately I need the Savior and ask for that help in prayer.

And so delight led me to hope this year. And those two things have really changed the way I feel each day. But, of course, what has really changed me is Jesus Christ. And that is why I wanted to share this with… you know… whoever reads this, including my future self. This year I have come to know Christ in a way that I never have before. And even though this is totally cliche to say, the frustration of the anxiety and OCD have genuinely been worth it! I wouldn’t wish them on anyone and I would never ask for them, but I’m really okay with even the days recently that I have dealt with them because they remind me that Christ is on my team. He is there with me with hope to spare no matter what is going on in my life and/or brain.

Other things that have come from delight this year are that, not only do I try to cherish the little special moments with my family more, but I also have the desire to create such moments more frequently. Delight reminds me that I am in charge of the life I have as well as a lot of the experience my children have right now and I can choose to make it more delightful by putting more into it. So that often does mean more effort, but the little extra effort more than pays for itself in delight! Also, I find I use the words “delight,” “delightful,” and “delighted” a lot more in daily conversation, which I think is downright classy!

I have been so grateful for this past year! It truly has been delightful! And I’m getting really excited about a new theme for next year. My hope is that it will be something that can maintain the idea of delight while taking it to the next level. We’ll see if I can find the perfect word. 🙂